In our context we are minorities so the standard of beauty deemed ‘manly’ is someone who is white and is of a certain build, and even though that doesn’t apply to us, that’s what we aspire to as we are told from a very young age that it is the ideal. “One of the key issues is European beauty standards. I asked black gay and bisexual men their opinions on this subject, and hegemonic European beauty standards were definitely an issue: However, parings with partners from the same ethnic group seem rare for gay and bisexual men in the UK. The UK is known for its high proportion of mixed race relationships, with between 22 and 62% of African or African-Caribbean people living with a white long-term partner according to the ONS. “Did they ever consider dating each other?” And of my black queer friends and acquaintances I can think of only one who has a long-term partner who is a person of colour.
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“These guys look like really good friends” I thought. A picture recently appeared on my Facebook feed showing five handsome black men with their partners, every one of whom was white. You’d think given that there is so much to navigate as black men we would be more inclined to date each other. I’m not sure if the fact he said he’d forgotten his wallet was related. There’s a set of stereotypes we must navigate – one white guy was astonished how “middle class” I was on a date. There’s the exoticism if we are lighter skinned – there must disappointment when they learn you are from Burnley. There’s the Pornhub-category fetishisation and expectation of BBC (Big Black…). There’s the white guys on hook-up apps that exclude us, even if it’s a polite “prefer Europeans”. “Don’t like black men”, with the ‘face-mask’ emoji.Īs black queer people, we often face discrimination in queer spaces. There was another, a geeky, handsome young black guy. “Not into black guys” the profile stated flatly. I'm not delusional to think that unfortunate in the face gay men don't receive attention if they have a fit body but I must acknowledge that a darker skinned black man with face/body/wealth will receive loads of attention.Marcus Stow delves into the reasons behind so many black gay men being in relationships with white guys and comes up with some fascinating conclusions.Ī friend recently showed me a Grindr profile, an attractive dark-skinned black guy posing shirtless with a sculptured six-pack. I believe if your face is decent and/or handsome you will receive attention. Then I only receive attention from others.
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Though when my overweight body is presented then my chances are reduced. And I'm not even that good looking, but face do grab attention. But when I'm overweight or fat my options is reduced drastically but I still garner attention for my face oddly enough. When I'm slim I was approached by so many ethnic groups, and some black men mostly Africans/suprisingly Americans (I'm West Indian located in The Netherlands).
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Oddly enough my experience dating as a darker skinned Black man seemed to have been a rollercoaster depending on my weight. And I'm talking committed dating status, not sex date. If you are dark skinned black man who has a handsome/beautiful face and fit body and looser curled hair or possibly lighter colored eyes (or simply kinkier 4c hair with brown eyes) you will definitely have a higher ranking than lighter skin black man who is not considered attractive in the face. We must not forget to acknowkledge that there is an hierarchy among Gay men, both black and non-black. I've honestly observed both ends of this being both a guilty participant in colorism and also victim of it.